DMMBH

by Andrew Beauman

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about

This is an EP about life, relationships and most importantly my struggle with purity, past relationships, God, and moving on. (DMMBH - Dear Mrs. My Better Half)

credits

released January 6, 2013

-David Leal Music for the wonderful voice tracking we did.
-Luke Nowland for the Music and backing track for "Dear Mrs. My Better -Half"
-Xander Shabe for the music and backing tracks for "Empty Claw" and "When She Crumbles"
-Greater Creative Collective for supporting me in all my endeavors
-my parents, for keeping me strong
-Caleb Newbury for doing so much awesome work photo and video
and
-Everyone at Desperation Leadership Academy for helping me get to where I am today being able to release this album.

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about

Andrew Beauman Colorado Springs, Colorado

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Track Name: Empty Claw
Oh what he would giveTo see her fail, to see her fall
The distain he has for her is ever present in his voice
and It holds such a weight that even the brick that is her foundation crumbles beneath her feet
But through his distain and distaste for her he cares somehow
The love he had for her is so undeserved.
And still she treats him like dirt

So she sits at home now
She sits alone
he sits at home now and
He sits alone

She wishes she was out
Wishing for that claw to hold a drink.
Booze that she doesn't pay for
Free love for a night that she doesnt even have to look for.
She's fulfilled for one night
When he has enough love to fill her cup and many more

He sits at home
He sits alone
She sits at home and
She sits alone

He hates his devotion to her
Cause no matter how badly her choices could hurt him he knows he'll come crawling back even when all he gets from her is a look.
God how he misses that look.

Two people sit alone
Two people in two separate homes
Two people who all a long should've know
Each pathetic in their own special way

I find my self talking to myself
about this self I don't understand
Feeling pathetic, vaguely schizophrenic
and somehow less of a man

i feel this welling in my throat
fighting for words that could describe
i feel them dripping from my lips
wet words that fail to come outside

they're soaked in such significance
to force them out my best i try
I waste my time attempting this
without their wetness they are lies

My Peace of mind is only achieved
By writing yelling screaming and grinding teeth
Only by taking it to both extremes
Can my sanity truely be seen
Track Name: When She Crumbles
I could waste all my time reminesing of all the times
that you made me feel like
you wouldn't go
I could choose to ignore
all those times you slammed the door
making our love just a chore
I'm better off
I would think of all the times
that my belly turned upside
butterflies somewhere inside
when you'd smile
and look at me with those eyes
when I think back on them I cry
not knowing that they had lied
to my very soul

there are so many happy moments that I could focus on
but its hard when they're surrounded by the bad
sometimes I think about the great times we had
but it always ends up in the same place
my mind leads me to your crying face

its hard to see where your at, knowing that you fell so far
how could you gave up on all that you believed
you used to love Jesus oh so passionately
now you seek reason, science and the pleasures of humanity

I used to look up to you, did you know that
your faith is what I found most beautiful
You were so strong
I never thought it possible for you to crumble
what happened
what changed
what makes you run from the ones you now hate
what was it that made your love fade

We had a horrible relationship
realistically
but the things I learned from both God and you
will forever shape me
they'll make me
in to a much stronger man
You made me hate the way that I was when I was angry
You cried when I was angry
I hate the man you made me
you made me manipulate people to get what i wanted
now I have to catch myself lying to bring favor on myself

reading into every stupid fraction of a word
in a over complicated sentence empty in its worth
making every waking moment so stupidly complex
worried that I would say something wrong that causes you distress

you always ran away, thats what made me so angry
you never faced our problems, and it drove me crazy
I always pushed you too hard
I always took things way too far
I guess thats where things all start
when you give up on your mind and use your heart

I don't need you anymore, holding my hand
your not my rock, He is
When you crumble he stands firm
and his love isn't something i have to earn

I hope one day your realize
that his love won't fade once mine subsides
I wish I could see through your eyes
so that I could know why you left his side
so go ahead, go on, live your new life
I won't chase you any more
but just you know I don't speak for the Lord
Track Name: Dear Mrs. My Better Half
Dear Mrs My Better Halfyou seem so very far away
when I'm sitting here in my lonely head
wishing I knew the shape of that lovely face


I swear to you until that day
i'll save whats left of the gift god made
I am quite ashamed to say
This is a gift I already gave


I know that God already forgave
But I'm still terrified to see your face
I know Its no longer fully intact
i thought that i knew better than God
i hurt my relationship with both him and you
and i have to accept that fact


I gave into to my sin
Traded Gods truth for a lie
Casting off all inhibition
Who knew that I'd arrive
Standing there in the glass
Looking into my own eyes
Realizing it was me looking back
That I could bearly even recognize


The image of me is not what I'd thought I'd see
I didn't see the man that I believed myself to be
Not a man, atleast not much of one
Not proud and strong, a little more weak and lost
But overcome by sin and lust
I found myself left dead to rust


So then I prayed


"God I never wanna do that again
Give away a part of my soul, my purity
For a few moments of ecstacy
Oh God I made myself sick that night
And it haunted me for months
But I hit rock bottom then
So you could start building me back up
To lay the foundation in me
as a man of integrity
To establish the man of God that you always knew that I'd eventually be
A strong foundation to be built brick by brick with you by my side guiding
A foundation built for honering you
a foundation for my family."


Dear Mrs My Future Wife
i must ask for your forgiveness
for i was just a stupid boy
who proved that he was foolish
But from this day forth
until we wed
I'm keeping myself for you
Its still far off
and it will be hard
but God will bless both me and you


We've still to meet, or at least recognize
the shape of our better half
i know not the place, i know not the date
but ill wade my way through this loneliness


Till I'm standing there all dressed in black
doing my best to look presentable
and you and in your dress and i've lost my breath,
knowing that i see the beauty of
My Jesus christ, there in your eyes
shining bright enough to blind me
knowing that God had planed for it
that all my mistakes still lead to this
that everything worked out through all that mess
that my beautiful new bride graced me with this


I know that Gods still preparing both you and i to meet
he's getting our hearts ready to live in perfect harmony

but if he gave you to me now i know that we're both not ready
Cause I know I'm not
Gods working on my pride so i can be the man i need to be
To be the husband that he knows that I can be